I’ve been thinking about what should be my first post here, I’ve tried thinking about some niche that somehow defines or describes me best. I tried viewing some popular blogs first posts, in order to see what they did. I even found a list of them at one point. My writer’s block was still in play, so I kept looking. I even came across a post titled “How to Write Your First Blog Post” which felt really promising. The author of that post, Megan Ziman was even kind enough to link to her first and second posts for perspective too. I asked on social media if any of my friends had something they’d want me to blog about. Perhaps one of my projects with a Raspberry Pi, my VoIP setup or an intro to Linux (What can I say, I’m a proud geek!) Maybe something about travel hacking, where I’ve been, where I want to go or becoming a digital nomad. (I’m not a digital nomad at the moment, but I’m a proud geek who loves to travel…..) In the end two of my best friends replied telling me I should just write something, anything really. Just be myself. (I’m clearly paraphrasing here.)
I’ve got to tell you she was right, I had to overcome the fear and find a topic. Easier said than done, I’ve spent at least 45 days thinking about it. I had other ideas, however I was listening to one of my favorite songs, Icon For Hire’s Happy Hurts. (I’ve embedded the video above, please check it out.) Ariel Bloomer wrote it talking about her struggle with depression. I decided those other topics need to wait.
My writers block was due to fear and doubts. During these last 45 days I had a decent job, I had gone and toured about a dozen colleges. I spoke to financial aid at a few of these colleges and what I heard sounded promising, to say the least. I even managed to squeeze a hockey game in. I’ve since lost that job, due to a drop in production orders. I’ve received news from one college that financial aid won’t go as far as I had hoped.
I’m not sharing this seeking sympathy, but to explain the oddity that is depression. You see, I’m actually happier now than I was at the beginning of this. I don’t entirely know why, I’d like to believe it’s because I won’t let go of my dreams and goals this time. I realize it might even be a bit of a Hail Mery, and I will be discouraged as I try, even when everything is actually going right. That’s just how depression is. However at the same time I feel like I’ve finally got a handle on this, that everything will work out. I’ve just got additional hurdles to overcome now, no big deal. The harder obstacles were already there anyways.
Funny, I don’t think anyone ever worries about those obstacles when they’re going 200 KM/H, then they suddenly slam into them. I know I can obtain my dreams, but I still have to go slow and acknowledge my limitations too. I have to keep my depression from getting the better of me, ignore unreasonable doubts and fears. I have to respect the reasonable doubts and fears and remove or overcome them, this is a part of that process.
I need to keep the mystery for a little longer unfortunately, I promise what’s ahead is as much an adventure for my readers as it is for myself. I’ve already drafted a few more posts for the coming weeks and I’ve included some hints in this post too.